Typing, Harvesting, Warring. Hoping.
This title sounds so pretencious. I’m sorry.
I’ll suffice it to this; I feel my luck has run out. My foolish reckless abandonment now has consequences, the trial period is over. I have pushed my limits far enough, it’s time I learn and head on back. I have always wanted to go there and back, have a story, have an adventure, but not at the cost of what I could lose. I’m still interesting. I’m still learning.
I’ve been writing a lot, on a typewriter actually. It’s interesting when you just bleed onto the paper with no filter. Therapeutic really. I’m just not sure if any of it is actually good. I might have a few friends read it and give me some feedback before I start posting short stories and poetry here. I’m ascared….
Some good job prospects! Great things coming for Lavish Laines winery! They just bought a new location off Buena Vista and Tesla in Livermore (right next to all the other wineries) so that will be amazing, we are going to open up a tasting room there as well. AND they want me to be their webmaster 
and get paid. Woot. I just need o find time to get down to Livermore to work on the harvest and get the new winery ready. OH AND I’m getting a couple more babysitting jobs coming in from the bay. All my jobs want me to be in the bay… interesting… Too bad things are starting to conflict with comedy sportz and some other obligations though.
I have had a lot of visitors recently, its nice. Last weekend Colleen came and stayed from Humboldt and Sean came and stayed from Elk Grove. So fun! We had birthday fun early. This weekend Ruth will be here! and there will be more shenanigans. Then next weekend my good old buddy Tim Muldoon will be staying with me for a couple days! He is applying to UC Davis Med School! Love when friends visit me.
Words and Voices went great!!! I got great compliments and it made me feel kinda validated. It really felt like creating art and bringing something to life more than traditional theatre has felt recently. One of the pieces I worked on was called “Jack & Coke” a poem about drunk driving beginning with the wake of the lives after the crash and working its way backwards to the celebration that brought on the accident. It was good for me to do. Between that, generally not driving anymore, and payments 
that are horrendous. I think I have effectively learned a lesson. I don’t want to hide problems like this, I wear them. In fact, there are TWO articles in my school newspaper coming out this Tuesday featuring me. And in one it will mention my DUI and how I prepared for my play. I have some anxiety about it being printed, but I need it to be so I can move on. The other article is about Cafe Noir, the open mic night I host. And there’s gonna be a picture of me there’s something extremely unfufilling about being in my community college newspaper. Twice. After I have been there for over 4 years. #signIneedtoleave
The good news is that Slaughterhouse-5 has just started rehearsal, and it promises to be ridiculous and very challenging. THANK GOD. It has given me a distinct interest in World War II lately, and I don’t have any interest in wars typically. I usually don’t even like war movies. But then I found out today talking to my grandma that her father died at age 43 in 1945 in the war. That is right when our play will be set and it made me realize that this is my grandmothers generation. And it is real. I guess I just feel a bit more connected now. So ready to get this shit started!
Birthday month starts today! Still keeping it pretty low key. Just going out and drinking with some friends this weekend. I love my birthday but I need to take it easy and not glorify myself right now, its better for my health. I know it’s bad when I literally am planning a redemption speech to my family at my birthday dinner, I have to shape up. For me and for them. And they need to know that its important and I’m not blowing them off.
Honestly, the reason I have been writing so much lately is because I hope this lifestyle will give me a retirement package in that it should make a good book someday. That’s my ego speaking hoping what I’m doing means something. Hoping that I am important and more than a party kid looking for an escape. I’m still holding out hope, hence I write.
**the picture on top is from Greg Dorado’s going away party, I’m gonna miss him!
peace
