DevinRitchie.com

I wish I had more optimistic and joyful blogs as of late, but alas, I do not. The universe has been telling me loud and clear that I should have left this year. SPOILER ALERT*** This will be an emo complainy blog. But it gets slightly optimistic/cocky near the end.

To begin, a great deal of my close friends moved away. I knew it was coming but it has really hit me when I sit at home alone and wonder what I used to do. Ruth lives in Chico, Colleen and Adie live in Humboldt, Victoria Louisville, My friend big black gay Corey moved to Laramie, Wyoming.  Even people like Mike Holcombe have moved to LA. After Matt Marr’s house burnt down he has been traveling and he is now sure he will move to L.A. Needless to say, my social life has taken a hit. I stay in a lot more evenings by myself reading, writing, or watching various marathons of House, Law and Order SVU, or something. I have just been lonely I guess.

My Mom’s car is gold sebring convertible, the symbol of summer, and the car I learned how to drive on. There have been so many times where Ruth, John Farns, and I are hung over and we roll out of bed and drive with the top down to theriver. And drink some 4 Locos. My brother needed a car so we decided to give that one to him. Now my mom and I share the Scion, she needs it more of course having a real job and all… back to the bike for me. :-/

It seems lately that love has been in the air (cheesy yes, but hear me out). So many of my friends are involved with someone and so happy. Max and Amanda, John Farns, Kelsey, Ruth, etc etc. Momentarily I was kinda seeing someone and happy, and for just a moment it seemed everyone was happy. But then of course I found out that I had simply got swept up in ideas of being in a relationship and misinterpreted some things and ended up putting myself in a situation that allowed me to get hurt by others actions. Whatevs, I’m done. I’m single and unattached completely. Time gave me clarity to realize I was being stupid, and I really don’t care. I AM happy for all my friends, I am happy being single Devin, and I am a better person for not dating people who are bad for me. But I do always seem to be the odd man out in these situations. It wears on me a bit.

The cherry on top of my delightful banana shit sundae of a situation I have been in… The one job I have babysitting at a church every Sunday That I have had for 4 years. Such an easy job that I LOVE that is easy money in my pocket….. Well, they laid me off on Sunday. Not because of me at all, they can just not afford child care at all anymore. I have one more

Sunday and that’s it. FUCK. My one source of income. Fuck. My. Life. This is effective September 1st. Why does that day sound familiar? Oh, cause its the day of my court date. (Yes, I have a court date. I got into a little trouble. Hopefully it will be nothing, but it might be. I will disclose the full story after its all said and done. Nothing crazy don’t worry)

My brother looked at my situation like this “so you’re basically back to where you started when you moved to Sacramento, no car, no job, no relationship, few friends” Somehow that is oddly comforting. Something of a new beginning happening right now. Life has dealt me some rotten ass lemons right now, and I am powering through but its hard. I can deal with the no job, no car, no money thing. But it just really sucks that everything has been taken away at the same time. The time I need friends. Who aren’t here.

At the moment, I am not attending school. I would probably set myself back further if I went. I need a job(and I have been applying!)

Right now I am living day at a time with very short term achievable goals. apply for jobs, work out everyday, drink less, and get cast in a play next week. So far so good. I do work out everyday I have a new gym membership and I have been going hard. If nothing else in life I will look good without my shirt on.

I chose the cute apocalypse gif at the top because its really cute and the general complete change of everything in my life recently, and because of Mike Wise’s Post Apocalypse Party he had. Which was awesome. Pictures at the bottom. There is always a lot of parties, this last weekend was Mady Wrights 36 hour birthday party which was fun and…. eventful.

This is a reminder to the world and myself that I am fucking awesome. I do good things and have fun. There are great

people in my life, and I know now more than ever who they are. I have come upon some rough times recently and ya know what? It might get worse, it could always. But I have dealt with way more problems in my life than some little bull shit like this. I’m a baller with some of the best friends, and the BEST family anyone could ask for. Don’t give me your pity, today ain’t nothing but a hair flip. It might be just like this for a long time, but there is peace and some success at the end of this trail. It shouldn’t be easy and its not. Never has been. I have been blessed in many ways that I am quietly thankful for and find myself to sometimes be the luckiest person alive. Lately has just been a string of losses that have warn me down, I have to admit I am down and move on though. I’m not blaming fate or the world for my problems, many of them are direct results of my actions and I know that. I’m down but I’m not out. I’m ready for new shit and prepared to take on whatever I need to. Oh yeah, and I’m hot.

I leave you with another new Eminem song, featuring Pink (whom I fuckin love)

WONT. BACK. DOWN.

Peace.

My adorable cousin Mira

Howdy dear readers, another long week. Reno, parties, family visiting, LOST ending. [OMG]

I want to first discuss the response of my last blog. It was mostly positive and supportive. Thank you, it means a lot that many of can even sit through my long winded ramblings. But the main complaint with my blog is that writing or talking about something doesn’t fix anything. I’m basically just whiny. I disagree completely. This is step one. This is therapy this is diary. This is what helps me.

Last week my theatre celebrated its end of the year ball, I was awarded “Best Supporting Actor” (sort of a conciliation prize instead of winning one of the Irene Ryan nominations, oh well) and Best Drunk… On Stage” How appropriate. A lot of fun drinking and dancing with the masquerade theme. But then the rest of my night, with the help of Gerald (what we call the bag from boxed wine) and Matt Marr, was serious drunken shenanigans, which resulted in me missing the only work I have in a week. Haven’t done that in nearly a year. I did learn a lesson that night.

My friends who are legitimately moving on from school felt like clubbing, so of course I am there. Drinks, flirting, dancing, and smoking. I starting losing my voice very badly. A few days of partying, a lack of sleep, and breathing air in Reno turned my voice into something of a gutteral gravely lawnmower sound, which I assure you was not sexy. The Reno trip was a success, managed to only spend $20 on the whole trip. It was my friend Colton’s 21st birthday. Colton, Max, James, Colleen and I just walked around drank and danced wearing sunglasses everywhere looking like bad asses for  2 days. I did start to get pretty sick and my voice was completely gone for a time, but what was I suppose to do? I still had to be there for another day, and god save me from Reno whilst sober. Everyone had a great time, but it is decided… I am a Vegas guy.

When I look back on my week, the best part of was playing with my 18 month old cousin Mira (well, cousin’s daughter… second cousin?). We played with bubbles, drew with chalk, and mostly she just chased me and played “sleepy sleep” (thats when she says “sleepy sleep”, and we pretend to be asleep for like 5 seconds.) Out of all the “fun” I had drinking and clubbing this week, this was the most genuine fun. I love children and I am super good with them. But it’s fleeting, at this age they will hardly remember me and when she is 10 I will be 30. And we wont play together anymore. This happened to too many people for me, and its the burden of being younger in an older family.  What I’m saying is that I do long for having children in my life, lets hope for being the fun uncle Devin first. Not too soon…

I have a desperate need to find a job now. Having my own earned money in my pocket will help my perspective. That is this weeks goal. Haven’t even drank or smoked in a few days and I feel better. Crazy huh? Yay me. The past few days I have done nothing, just rehabd at home and played sleepy sleep by myself. and that what I needed. Hibernation.

I have been realizing more and more that anyone can read this. And I have stopped being discrete. Which is kind of empowering actually. I don’t mean to do this for shock value, but to be true to myself. But seeing my hits increase back to the hundreds gives me anxiety. But again I thank you all so much for coming and reading.

Now the reason you are all here I’m sure…

CUTE BABY PICTURES!!!!

(I didn’t edit them, so the Mira files are huge, might take a minute to load)

peace

I will blog about LOST real soon!!

Hey everybody. Yes I have been lazy about updates and I want to explain why. This semester Senioritis got the best of me, I just didn’t care about school and nothing could make me. I have three AA degrees waiting for me as soon as I finish my one pesky statistics class, and I still cant seem to do it. I have been going to school for the past 18 years, and honestly am so burnt out on it. The thought of transferring to a 4 year school at the moment makes me shutter. So what am I doing if I am not really doing school? Well, The Philadelphia Story had an amazing run and I really loved working on it. I got such positive feedback from everyone about it, which gave me a little optimism about a future in performing. I also got cast in a new play, As You Like It at California Stage. I play Charles and Silvius two good characters. But more on that later.

Theatre is starting to go my way, two great roles in two great shows in a row, I mean this is what I have been working for for the past 3 years.

So I rehearse in the evenings, what do I do the rest of the time? I drink. Honestly. I drink and party. Pretty much every night. I’m not trying to brag, it’s just true. I went out to Faces or Badlands every night last week. The problem is now I know a lot of people there so I get in free and never have to pay for drinks. Hard to turn down. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me to be the fun one sometimes. I get texts and calls every Friday and Saturday night from random people who want to know “wheres the party at?” I am now notorious for having a 4Loco in my hand. (energy drink/malt liquor 12% alc, they fuck you up and cost 2.50. I cleaned 14 cans of it out of my car.) and when I’m at the club I try and drink my weight in Red Bull vodkas. Some people judge and some people are jealous. I feel like people come to me when they need a vacation from their life, and then they can go back and be normal, and they assume I will be waiting for them whenever they want to have fun. This life isn’t fair. people shouldn’t be able to live like me. I’m not rich enough for this. I take advantage of people around me and I feel like they hardly notice or care.

Except my Mom, once my Grandma moved in this year, she has taken extraordinary notice of my behavior and suddenly now that her mom lives here I need to behave better. This is the first time my Mom and I haven’t really gotten along. I get it though. I’m 22 basically living off her, I make very little money that doesn’t begin to cover all my expenses and I have fun and party everyday. How is that fair? It’s not. I have always been the baby of the family and able to get away with more than the twins. But I have pushed it. My Mom didn’t dream of being of an astronaut or a teacher or anything when she was a kid, she wanted to be a Mom and it is the reason she was put on this Earth. EVERYTHING I have and any reason people like me is directly because of her. She wanted to be a stay at home Mom, but her job had better health insurance, so my Dad stayed home. She is a caregiver, and what happens when we all grow up? Grandma moves in. Grandma is very old and requires a lot of attention, she has become my mother’s new project in care giving. It’s a little as if I’m getting pushed out of the nest right now. And I’m not mad about it. I’m 22… its probably time to stop being a Mama’s boy. The house has become crowded and I no longer feel welcome living here. And my fear of leaving my mom alone is no longer a problem. So I have taken to rarely being at home, which results in my drinking and partying and constantly staying at friends houses. Usually just passing out.

Right now a great deal of my friends are moving away. Ruth is going to Chico State, Colleen and Adie are going to Humboldt. Victoria got a scholarship to go to a conservatory in Louisville. And generally people are just moving on. All the signs seem to point to getting the fuck out of Sacto. The issues are as follows, no money, hardly have a job (just babysitting and improv), I don’t have all the requirements to transfer (and I REALLY need a break from school in order to gain perspective, call it an excuse if you want), and where do I go???

It is time for a change.

I’m drawn to the Bay Area, Jenny and Kyle live there. I know someday I will live in San Francisco. Maybe that time is now. LA? I have connections there and a lot of family and friends. New York? Pack it all up and go be a performance artist hipster with Maggie Muldoon? far fetched I know. But what better time than now? I am not tied down at all. Why not Edinburgh?? Get back to my Scottish roots. It is also a theatre haven there.

These ideas are pipe dreams I realize, but since when have I ever been realistic dear readers? It has to be better than staying Sacramento living at my moms house doing plays at a community college, right? Maybe not. Maybe I just want to go on adventure so my memoirs will be interesting to read later. I don’t even know what I want to do.

I know it will involve art, and most likely performance. I don’t know if that means acting, directing, or being the host of a trashy open mic night as a drag queen. Something needs to happen. All I do is act, drink, sleep, work out, and watch TV. (OMG LOST! RIGHT?!?). The issue with leaving this place is that I have finally started getting Sacramento to work for me, Getting great roles, I know everybody, I club and drink for free. but so what? I figured out in high school too that popularity is fun and all. But that’s it, doesn’t help with anything else. And there is one specific play this fall that I want to do so fucking bad. I know it will be a wildly successful production that will garner attention. But I cannot stay here for a show, there is always going to another show I will want to stay for. I don’t want to go to another town and work hard for 4 years just to get where I am now here. And even if I did stay until the new year, I couldn’t stay at home. This situation is getting worse and worse and I am making it worse.

I am just a ball of confusion lately. I sleep late everyday. Honestly I have been somewhat depressed despite my prescription to Prozac I started taking about 8 months ago. I feel like it works and this is better than before, but its also a blank feeling. if that makes sense. I’m certain the drinking does not help. Making important life decisions lately has been put on the back burner, and the delay makes everything harder. That’s what she said.

I am so single right now. I have sorta dated around, and have a new theory that drinking makes me develop hickeys. But nothing has been that serious, since Tim I sorta tried with Jeff again, and I’m convinced that will be the teasing relationship that will never happen. There have been a myriad of Jeff’s in my life, literally so many people named Jeff, wtf?!? Frank Fox came and visited me for 3 days a few weeks ago, we had a good time, but he lives in Santa Monica (not to mention a Republican virgin until marriage). Could anything come of this? I guess, but my will to put in that much work in to any relationship is just not there. It’s not my style to do long distance and pine. Moreover given the recent people I have dated anyone from gutter punks to ravers to yuppies, I hardly know whats best for me at all.

My friends and I have reached a sexual freedom, don’t call it slutty, we have standards and morals and all. But sex is an important part of life. I was not dating or “sexual active” or even kissing anyone until I was like 19, I wasn’t ready for it. Now that I have a better idea of sexuality I am perfectly alright with embracing it. It’s not taboo or trashy. And honestly I don’t have that much sex. I’m a flirt. Make outs however….. lol. My problem is that though. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. I’m the best friend. The party guy. The “maybe I’ll just experiment with Devin Ritchie” kinda guy, finding sex has never been a problem for me. I lack the connection with a sexual partner. I have had 2 real relationships. and like 5 half relationships, that were just stupid. I cant imagine the day where I am codependent like that. I could only be so lucky to have someone who can see me at my worst and love it. Just get me. And have sex with me. Love, I guess… I guess I just don’t believe in it. Yet. Trying to be optimistic.

Theatre. Alcohol. Friends. Sex. These are all tools of my escapism. I have not been blogging because I don’t want to tell people. My life is not something I am super proud of right now. Blogging about it seems like I stroking my own ego or something. I don’t write for validation or popularity. Well, maybe sometimes. But to quote Usher “these are my confessions”. I have been trying to be an open book lately. Not hiding. Laying down all my cards. And this is just a leak in the dam of honesty. I have written blogs like this so many times, but I don’t post them. Because it defeats me. And who fucking cares? Well I do. And getting this off my chest and out here feels like it will help me to make the changes necessary to move on. I’m not in denial. I am well aware. I will not stop drinking, it doesn’t have the power over me that I have to cut it out completely. That’s a fact. As far as school and living situations go, I have no fucking idea what I’m going to do.

Someday I will return all the good people have given to me. Don’t think I’m not grateful.

I leave you with Eminem’s “Not Afraid”

peace

Hey guys, it is well past due for another update.

Here’s whats up.

First of all, there was Halloween. A bunch of friends from Comedy Sportz all dressed up in steam punk costumes. It was pretty sick.

Yeah, it was amazeballs. We had a show, then I went to a huge blowout party in Elk Grove. I remeber drinking, _____________, and then I remember waking up in the living room. Apparently my friends couldnt find me for hours, they checked everywhere, and those are the hours that I dont remember at all. Kinda troubling that I lost 3 hours from my life. Halloween was fun though.

I also blacked out from boozahol a week before that. Something I had been making a habit out of I guess, I’m not sure why. So I decided to cool it on the booze for a little bit.

And then on Tuesday Nov. 3rd Bryce Marck Called me and asked if I wanted to come down and go to Disneyland for free the next day on his birthday. I agreed and picked up my shit took Matt Marr and on we went. It was a terrible plan for me to go. I didn’t have any money, I had classes that I missed, and it probably wasn’t a great idea to put that many miles on my car. But regardless, we went. Disneyland was awesome, I hadnt been in over 2 years, and I am a total disney geek. Sad thing is we didn’t take any pictures…. Sorry. It was super awesome though, and not busy at all. That night we went out and drank with some of my long lost SoCal friends, Dustin York, Bethany Deal, and Brandon Boone. Needless to say, we got shwastey. This was apparent when I ended up drinking beer out of coffee cups wearing a girls tight black tanktop, huge sunglasses, and a leopard snuggie. Good times.

When I got back to Sacramento I realized the jig wa sup and the time for me to get a real person job is finally here. I had once told myself that I am never going to have a regular job ever again, just jobs I actually like or want to do. But that dream is no longer realistic at this time. I went and applied to several places in Arden. I interviewed and had a second interview at Juicy Couture. So hopefully that will work out and I will have money. I cant imagine a world in which I am not paying for gas one gallon at a time and buying 40’s of mickeys with change.

I am all around not sure what I am doing with my life, hence the lack of updates. I don’t know what I am doing, why would I blog about it? My mood has been sort of erratic, I’m up and down. Generally chemically imbalanced. I have lost quite a bit of patience for people, and feel fine spending time by myself recently, this is both good and bad. I previously had been dating a few people casually, but they have all faded away for one reason or another and now I am very single.

I have been doing a lot of work designing on the American River Review Literary Magazine. Graphic design just might be something I could realy get into. I also am still plugging along with my screenwriting class, writing has been very easy for me lately, which is odd. Still taking a break from theatre, but I see a lot of theatre. There are some shows I may audition for soon. I’m continuing to do improv at Comedy Sportz which has been going pretty well recently.

I feel something big should change soon. Should being the key word.

Fall is always my favorite time of year. It’s also the hardest though.

I have missed  you guys.

I’ll post more later, just thought I would catch you up lately.

oh and I made this!

peace

DevinRitchie.com is back!!!

I apologize for the time when the site was down. The truth is I couldn’t pay my hosting fee, and quite frankly I needed a break from blogging. So I let it go for a couple months, lost all my momentum, my base, and over 100 blog posts. But here is to new beginnings! Cheers!

Now to catch you up on the last few months, first of all. I cut off all my hair.

That’s how long it was. And this is what it looks like now…

and that is my buddy and hair stylist Sean. I cut it for my birthday, I turned 22 on October 3rd. And yes, I did donate my hair to Locks Of Love. On my actual birthday; me, my family, and friends went into San Francisco and us kids went to LovEvolution or Lovefest. We got a hotel, got real real shwasty and it was amazing! Went out and bar hopped in the city and danced my face off. The next day we went to the Hardly Strictly bluegrass festival in Golden Gate park, drank some champagne and had a real nice picnic, also amazing.

I am taking a break from most theatre right now in efforts to refocus my life, and it has been going well. I am taking a full load of units at school with classes like statatistics, screenwriting, ceramics, and a design class for our literary magazine I am really enjoying this semester as different as it is.

I did a readers theatre productions of our lit mag at school and it went awesome!

It went great, there will be videos from it soon.

For the past couple months I have just been going to school, hanging out with friends, drinking, partying, dating, trying not to care. I am on a different path, but it’s fun, and seems to be leading somewhere alright.

I am still doing improv and Comedy Sportz, which is going real well. But other than that, I am now on a break from theatre mostly. Which is good and well needed.

I will update the blog just like I used to and I will continue to redesign the format. Check back for updates. I have a lot of stories to tell from over the last few months. Silly, ridiculous, drunken shenanagans.

I am sure that I am forgetting a bunch of things, but there will be plenty of time to go over them.

as always thanks for checking out DevinRitchie.com, and check back real soon! I really appreciate all the hits I get.

Here’s to new directions. (hehe, glee joke)

Peace

-