Wow, long time no blog. A lot of shit to cover lets get to it.

This next paragraph makes me sound like a diva.

First and foremost I have been so busy with Blithe Spirit, the play I’m in. I have been trying to take being a lead seriously and concentrate on nothing else. I have to be perfectly honest in saying that the experience has been frustrating. This is my first time being a real lead lead, so this is all new for me, and I’m being treated as if I am the old veteran. There have been some line learning issues and beginner problems for the entire cast, I feel like I already have so much on my plate I cant deal with anything less than spectacular from my fellow actors. I know that is a lot to ask. But it all comes back to the point that I am very insecure about my own abilities even on my best day, so any other problems are just kicking I’m when I’m down. I am a hash critic of acting, directing, and art and its weird to have my ass on the line for once. I’m just supposed to be the funny supporting character, if the show is bad, that’s not my bad. But now it is. I have a lot of anxiety about it.

Moreover, I have had some serious doubts about acting lately. To begin with IT’S FUCKING HARD. I have to sit back and ask myself why I am doing such a thing. Why am I being someone else? Do I just like being the center of attention? I have the distinct feeling that I do love performing, but this traditional linear story telling just to amuse. I want to get people to feel something, I want it to mean something, I don’t want to do it for vanity, but most theatre and film and entertainment lately is like 90% for the performers sake. I’m just very confused and angst ridden about the whole matter.

I am almost done with all my DUI shit, I should have my license back in about a month. I have actually started enjoying my mandatory DUI group meetings, if I have to pay for them and go, I am damn well going to get something out of them. I talk and call people on their bullshit excuses. I sort of wonder if  would maybe like to be a drug and alcohol counselor, I know that sounds ridiculous, but the topic of addiction and recovery interests me and I am not going to be a doctor, and I have had always had a special place in my heart for the seedy characters who inhabit such places. Just a thought.

I applied at a couple wineries in Livermore, but as time passes and other opportunities arise  I begin to think of the impossible and the stupid adventurous ideas. More pipe dreams and unintelligent plans from Devin Ritchie.

This is why I haven’t been blogging, I haven’t been able to form cogent thoughts, and really have nothing important to say. Not to say that anything I have ever wrote is important.

Last time we checked in ignoring my life and running off to Vegas, the next weekend I went to South Lake Tahoe with my brother Kyle, Rachel, and Josh. Basically doing the exact same thing again. Except being in debt to my brother now.

I have been being a good boy all of 2011 besides those two indiscretions I don’t party or drink as much. I have been single and abstinent the whole year, I have not even thought of relationships or anything in a long time. But I did kinda hang out with someone over the weekend. So we shall see. I’m really bad at these sort of things.

I am just at a loss for what to do after this show is over. I will have no Sacramento obligations. I am actively not auditioning for shows in the area just for that reason. Right now, I am just getting back to working out, finishing this show up, getting license back, and then….??

I am now typing to you as a 23 year old. Feels pretty much the same.

My birthday came and went, much less celebration, just one drunken weekend that lingered for about a weekend a half. I went out to bars, went to house parties, saw plays, took jello shots, drank so much 4Loko, and acted a fool generally and sprayed champagne on people. I mean, what else is expected of me on my birthday?

It was fine, I didn’t even want to acknowledge it this year, but my family and friends refused, and I obliged.  I made a half assed drunken attempt to make a speech to my immediate family telling them I am going to get my act together. I knew it was bad once I started paralleling my life to Thomas The Tank Engine. Sometimes I need to remember to shut up, and that actions speak louder than words.

Have been working on Slaughterhouse-5, it has been casual and fun. But it is high time we get down and dirty and kick this plays ass. We open in less than a month. It could be so good.

I have been working on Lavish Laines Winery and their website. Why not go get added to the mailing list eh?? Hopefully the more work and money will be flowing in soon.

After my elongated birthday celebration, I had to take a break from drinking my body literally couldn’t take it anymore. I have just given it a couple days, and besides a slight case of RMD (Reno Mouth Disease) I am better.

Dating life is the exact same as ever. Remember how I was sorta seeing Jeff again? Yeah, not so much. Once I realized I was getting ignored I called him out, and he said he was confused and that he also like this other guy. But told me not to worry and that we would hang out that week…. Not so much. He’s just dating the other guy, who is hard of hearing and they are both fluent in ASL, and I “wouldnt get it”. But at the very least I saw him out one night and we talked and I got to yell at him, a pleasure I don’t always get to have. This also gave me enough time to start seeing this guy named Travis, but he “just wants to be single right now”. It actually does get easier the more this happens, I hardly even care anymore.

But in a way I’m glad, I have not been going out, drinking, or doing much of anything besides designing, going to class, and rehearsing. Well, and of course watching an obscene amount of Law & Order: SVU. But that’s just the usual. So generally I have been keeping out of trouble for a little while and it seems to do a body good.

BLUE HAIR! “After midnight blue” hair actually. I wanted a real dark blue. It totally goes with our color scheme for our show. That’s why I did it. Dayummm I think it looks great. And my cheekbones look fantastic…. But enough about me…

Okay, more about me… I have been working super hard on Words & Voices and it’s kinda awesome. Really felt like I contributed to the project. Only 3 days people, and only $5. Come on. Please?

Been applying at more jobs, I’m sure blue hair will help that immensely. haha, well maybe, I applied at Hot Topic. I’m a sell out. whateva.

And Slaughterhouse-5 starts next week AND AND AND

ITS MY BIRTHDAY NEXT SUNDAY OCTOBER 3rd!!

I know I sounded a little dismayed about it earlier, but I don’t care. I LOVE my birthday. My mom is taking me to get hella new clothes. woot. Still no big plans. And I’m pretty cool with that.

On another note, I went on a real date this week! With a familiar face no less. Jeff, oh yes Jeff. You guys remember? This guy ——>

We dated for like a second about a year ago, off and off and on and then off again. Schedules really never allowed us. So we talked and he took me out on a real date (paid and everything, I know right?) and we have hung out the past three nights, and it kinda seems like its working this time. We shall see where this goes.

For the moment, everything seems to be going a little better, done with work project, show is opening tonight, enjoying my design class, no drama, and I have sweet ass blue hair! Now if someone will just hire me….

Peace

Hey everybody. Yes I have been lazy about updates and I want to explain why. This semester Senioritis got the best of me, I just didn’t care about school and nothing could make me. I have three AA degrees waiting for me as soon as I finish my one pesky statistics class, and I still cant seem to do it. I have been going to school for the past 18 years, and honestly am so burnt out on it. The thought of transferring to a 4 year school at the moment makes me shutter. So what am I doing if I am not really doing school? Well, The Philadelphia Story had an amazing run and I really loved working on it. I got such positive feedback from everyone about it, which gave me a little optimism about a future in performing. I also got cast in a new play, As You Like It at California Stage. I play Charles and Silvius two good characters. But more on that later.

Theatre is starting to go my way, two great roles in two great shows in a row, I mean this is what I have been working for for the past 3 years.

So I rehearse in the evenings, what do I do the rest of the time? I drink. Honestly. I drink and party. Pretty much every night. I’m not trying to brag, it’s just true. I went out to Faces or Badlands every night last week. The problem is now I know a lot of people there so I get in free and never have to pay for drinks. Hard to turn down. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me to be the fun one sometimes. I get texts and calls every Friday and Saturday night from random people who want to know “wheres the party at?” I am now notorious for having a 4Loco in my hand. (energy drink/malt liquor 12% alc, they fuck you up and cost 2.50. I cleaned 14 cans of it out of my car.) and when I’m at the club I try and drink my weight in Red Bull vodkas. Some people judge and some people are jealous. I feel like people come to me when they need a vacation from their life, and then they can go back and be normal, and they assume I will be waiting for them whenever they want to have fun. This life isn’t fair. people shouldn’t be able to live like me. I’m not rich enough for this. I take advantage of people around me and I feel like they hardly notice or care.

Except my Mom, once my Grandma moved in this year, she has taken extraordinary notice of my behavior and suddenly now that her mom lives here I need to behave better. This is the first time my Mom and I haven’t really gotten along. I get it though. I’m 22 basically living off her, I make very little money that doesn’t begin to cover all my expenses and I have fun and party everyday. How is that fair? It’s not. I have always been the baby of the family and able to get away with more than the twins. But I have pushed it. My Mom didn’t dream of being of an astronaut or a teacher or anything when she was a kid, she wanted to be a Mom and it is the reason she was put on this Earth. EVERYTHING I have and any reason people like me is directly because of her. She wanted to be a stay at home Mom, but her job had better health insurance, so my Dad stayed home. She is a caregiver, and what happens when we all grow up? Grandma moves in. Grandma is very old and requires a lot of attention, she has become my mother’s new project in care giving. It’s a little as if I’m getting pushed out of the nest right now. And I’m not mad about it. I’m 22… its probably time to stop being a Mama’s boy. The house has become crowded and I no longer feel welcome living here. And my fear of leaving my mom alone is no longer a problem. So I have taken to rarely being at home, which results in my drinking and partying and constantly staying at friends houses. Usually just passing out.

Right now a great deal of my friends are moving away. Ruth is going to Chico State, Colleen and Adie are going to Humboldt. Victoria got a scholarship to go to a conservatory in Louisville. And generally people are just moving on. All the signs seem to point to getting the fuck out of Sacto. The issues are as follows, no money, hardly have a job (just babysitting and improv), I don’t have all the requirements to transfer (and I REALLY need a break from school in order to gain perspective, call it an excuse if you want), and where do I go???

It is time for a change.

I’m drawn to the Bay Area, Jenny and Kyle live there. I know someday I will live in San Francisco. Maybe that time is now. LA? I have connections there and a lot of family and friends. New York? Pack it all up and go be a performance artist hipster with Maggie Muldoon? far fetched I know. But what better time than now? I am not tied down at all. Why not Edinburgh?? Get back to my Scottish roots. It is also a theatre haven there.

These ideas are pipe dreams I realize, but since when have I ever been realistic dear readers? It has to be better than staying Sacramento living at my moms house doing plays at a community college, right? Maybe not. Maybe I just want to go on adventure so my memoirs will be interesting to read later. I don’t even know what I want to do.

I know it will involve art, and most likely performance. I don’t know if that means acting, directing, or being the host of a trashy open mic night as a drag queen. Something needs to happen. All I do is act, drink, sleep, work out, and watch TV. (OMG LOST! RIGHT?!?). The issue with leaving this place is that I have finally started getting Sacramento to work for me, Getting great roles, I know everybody, I club and drink for free. but so what? I figured out in high school too that popularity is fun and all. But that’s it, doesn’t help with anything else. And there is one specific play this fall that I want to do so fucking bad. I know it will be a wildly successful production that will garner attention. But I cannot stay here for a show, there is always going to another show I will want to stay for. I don’t want to go to another town and work hard for 4 years just to get where I am now here. And even if I did stay until the new year, I couldn’t stay at home. This situation is getting worse and worse and I am making it worse.

I am just a ball of confusion lately. I sleep late everyday. Honestly I have been somewhat depressed despite my prescription to Prozac I started taking about 8 months ago. I feel like it works and this is better than before, but its also a blank feeling. if that makes sense. I’m certain the drinking does not help. Making important life decisions lately has been put on the back burner, and the delay makes everything harder. That’s what she said.

I am so single right now. I have sorta dated around, and have a new theory that drinking makes me develop hickeys. But nothing has been that serious, since Tim I sorta tried with Jeff again, and I’m convinced that will be the teasing relationship that will never happen. There have been a myriad of Jeff’s in my life, literally so many people named Jeff, wtf?!? Frank Fox came and visited me for 3 days a few weeks ago, we had a good time, but he lives in Santa Monica (not to mention a Republican virgin until marriage). Could anything come of this? I guess, but my will to put in that much work in to any relationship is just not there. It’s not my style to do long distance and pine. Moreover given the recent people I have dated anyone from gutter punks to ravers to yuppies, I hardly know whats best for me at all.

My friends and I have reached a sexual freedom, don’t call it slutty, we have standards and morals and all. But sex is an important part of life. I was not dating or “sexual active” or even kissing anyone until I was like 19, I wasn’t ready for it. Now that I have a better idea of sexuality I am perfectly alright with embracing it. It’s not taboo or trashy. And honestly I don’t have that much sex. I’m a flirt. Make outs however….. lol. My problem is that though. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. I’m the best friend. The party guy. The “maybe I’ll just experiment with Devin Ritchie” kinda guy, finding sex has never been a problem for me. I lack the connection with a sexual partner. I have had 2 real relationships. and like 5 half relationships, that were just stupid. I cant imagine the day where I am codependent like that. I could only be so lucky to have someone who can see me at my worst and love it. Just get me. And have sex with me. Love, I guess… I guess I just don’t believe in it. Yet. Trying to be optimistic.

Theatre. Alcohol. Friends. Sex. These are all tools of my escapism. I have not been blogging because I don’t want to tell people. My life is not something I am super proud of right now. Blogging about it seems like I stroking my own ego or something. I don’t write for validation or popularity. Well, maybe sometimes. But to quote Usher “these are my confessions”. I have been trying to be an open book lately. Not hiding. Laying down all my cards. And this is just a leak in the dam of honesty. I have written blogs like this so many times, but I don’t post them. Because it defeats me. And who fucking cares? Well I do. And getting this off my chest and out here feels like it will help me to make the changes necessary to move on. I’m not in denial. I am well aware. I will not stop drinking, it doesn’t have the power over me that I have to cut it out completely. That’s a fact. As far as school and living situations go, I have no fucking idea what I’m going to do.

Someday I will return all the good people have given to me. Don’t think I’m not grateful.

I leave you with Eminem’s “Not Afraid”

peace

My boys, Johnny Farns, Maxy, and Nick Heacock on BART

Howdy everybody, a lot has been going on so lets waste no time.

The biggest thing is now my maternal Grandma now lives with us here in Sacramento. She has been staying here since Christmas but now its official. We just moved all her stuff up here from Tustin. Obviously this changes my living situation quite a bit. I cant be as, well, for lack of better words, a ridiculous fabulous drunk. She is very old and can no longer live on her own, this is for the best.

Secondly there has been a lot of wonders about my moms job being outsourced, and yes we even toyed with the idea of moving to Atlanta, Georgia. Things are up in the air, but fret not.  It doesn’t look like we will move to GA and my mom will still have a job no matter what. I do not belong in Georgia, I know that, but the adventure might be fun.

Big news! I got cast as Sandy Lord in The Philadelphia Story at ARC!! A really great part and the only part I wanted. This is the first time this has happened for me and I’m an so fucking excited ^_^ we start rehearsals on Monday yay. The play opens April 22nd. I will definitely let you guys know.

Also I have been dating, weird right? haha, I almost feel like I needed to make up for the years where I dated no one. So I have dated a few people the past few months. Most importantly was my first real boyfriend Tim. This was all very new and odd for me. We dated for about a month and half or something. And now were on a break, or broken up, I cant really tell. It’s kinda confusing. Either way, this was kinda a big deal for me personally. I mean I’m 22, time to man up and just get a bf right? I dont even know whats going on with other people I have been casually seeing. Perhaps I just need to get back to being single Devin. I’m much better at that I feel.

Other than all this going on I have just been going to school, hanging out, an partying a lot . Dont worry, I’m being responsible enough. All though I do have a few scrapes and bruises from Reno lol. Long story.

I am now working out cause I started to get lazy and slightly thicker. That was no good.

I’m going to start more honest blogging like this. I just have to decide on where the line of censorship is…

I don’t know where I’m headed, but I am convinced that it’s in a good direction.

Peace.