DevinRitchie.com

I wish I had more optimistic and joyful blogs as of late, but alas, I do not. The universe has been telling me loud and clear that I should have left this year. SPOILER ALERT*** This will be an emo complainy blog. But it gets slightly optimistic/cocky near the end.

To begin, a great deal of my close friends moved away. I knew it was coming but it has really hit me when I sit at home alone and wonder what I used to do. Ruth lives in Chico, Colleen and Adie live in Humboldt, Victoria Louisville, My friend big black gay Corey moved to Laramie, Wyoming.  Even people like Mike Holcombe have moved to LA. After Matt Marr’s house burnt down he has been traveling and he is now sure he will move to L.A. Needless to say, my social life has taken a hit. I stay in a lot more evenings by myself reading, writing, or watching various marathons of House, Law and Order SVU, or something. I have just been lonely I guess.

My Mom’s car is gold sebring convertible, the symbol of summer, and the car I learned how to drive on. There have been so many times where Ruth, John Farns, and I are hung over and we roll out of bed and drive with the top down to theriver. And drink some 4 Locos. My brother needed a car so we decided to give that one to him. Now my mom and I share the Scion, she needs it more of course having a real job and all… back to the bike for me. :-/

It seems lately that love has been in the air (cheesy yes, but hear me out). So many of my friends are involved with someone and so happy. Max and Amanda, John Farns, Kelsey, Ruth, etc etc. Momentarily I was kinda seeing someone and happy, and for just a moment it seemed everyone was happy. But then of course I found out that I had simply got swept up in ideas of being in a relationship and misinterpreted some things and ended up putting myself in a situation that allowed me to get hurt by others actions. Whatevs, I’m done. I’m single and unattached completely. Time gave me clarity to realize I was being stupid, and I really don’t care. I AM happy for all my friends, I am happy being single Devin, and I am a better person for not dating people who are bad for me. But I do always seem to be the odd man out in these situations. It wears on me a bit.

The cherry on top of my delightful banana shit sundae of a situation I have been in… The one job I have babysitting at a church every Sunday That I have had for 4 years. Such an easy job that I LOVE that is easy money in my pocket….. Well, they laid me off on Sunday. Not because of me at all, they can just not afford child care at all anymore. I have one more

Sunday and that’s it. FUCK. My one source of income. Fuck. My. Life. This is effective September 1st. Why does that day sound familiar? Oh, cause its the day of my court date. (Yes, I have a court date. I got into a little trouble. Hopefully it will be nothing, but it might be. I will disclose the full story after its all said and done. Nothing crazy don’t worry)

My brother looked at my situation like this “so you’re basically back to where you started when you moved to Sacramento, no car, no job, no relationship, few friends” Somehow that is oddly comforting. Something of a new beginning happening right now. Life has dealt me some rotten ass lemons right now, and I am powering through but its hard. I can deal with the no job, no car, no money thing. But it just really sucks that everything has been taken away at the same time. The time I need friends. Who aren’t here.

At the moment, I am not attending school. I would probably set myself back further if I went. I need a job(and I have been applying!)

Right now I am living day at a time with very short term achievable goals. apply for jobs, work out everyday, drink less, and get cast in a play next week. So far so good. I do work out everyday I have a new gym membership and I have been going hard. If nothing else in life I will look good without my shirt on.

I chose the cute apocalypse gif at the top because its really cute and the general complete change of everything in my life recently, and because of Mike Wise’s Post Apocalypse Party he had. Which was awesome. Pictures at the bottom. There is always a lot of parties, this last weekend was Mady Wrights 36 hour birthday party which was fun and…. eventful.

This is a reminder to the world and myself that I am fucking awesome. I do good things and have fun. There are great

people in my life, and I know now more than ever who they are. I have come upon some rough times recently and ya know what? It might get worse, it could always. But I have dealt with way more problems in my life than some little bull shit like this. I’m a baller with some of the best friends, and the BEST family anyone could ask for. Don’t give me your pity, today ain’t nothing but a hair flip. It might be just like this for a long time, but there is peace and some success at the end of this trail. It shouldn’t be easy and its not. Never has been. I have been blessed in many ways that I am quietly thankful for and find myself to sometimes be the luckiest person alive. Lately has just been a string of losses that have warn me down, I have to admit I am down and move on though. I’m not blaming fate or the world for my problems, many of them are direct results of my actions and I know that. I’m down but I’m not out. I’m ready for new shit and prepared to take on whatever I need to. Oh yeah, and I’m hot.

I leave you with another new Eminem song, featuring Pink (whom I fuckin love)

WONT. BACK. DOWN.

Peace.

It has been a pretty great week. I went to the California State fair with the Golden Girls (Mom, Grandma, and Myself). Got drunk and bet on horse racing. My new favorite thing. Then off to San Francisco to celebrate my Mum’s birthday. My family was all going to see Peter Pan at the 360 theatre, but a rule of growing up is that we all need to pay our own way. And I could afford going out to the fancy dinner at Sinbads (the view of the bay bridge is awesome frome there!) But I thought it selfish of myself to buy an expensive theatre ticket for me. So I let the rest of them go to the show and I would meet them after. Turns out drinking too much at a gay bar in the Castro while the rest of your family enjoys Peter Pan with each other makes you feel like a huge fucking douche bag. Oh well, nothing we can do about that. We met up afterward and went for more drinks at Danny Coyle’s. Next day the Golden Girls went out to breakfast at Buena Vista, my fav place for Irish coffee and eggs benedict. Then back to warm and wonderful Sacramento. huzzah :/

Bettin on the ponys with Jenny!

Casey Worthington had his “Not 4th of July Party”, it’s exactly what you think it is. It was real fun, but one of those times when being drunk during the day gets away from you… On a similar note; I have had anger and patience issues recently. It is well documented that Ritchies can have a bit of a temper problem, and they may be catching up with me. I just need to chill more. I’m sure the hotel concierge and the “deck supervisor” at the pool at my gym aren’t really as stupid as they seem, and even if they are, no sense in being mean to them. Oh yeah! I joined a gym! Sexy DURING summer. hell yeah, I have been working out like everyday ^_^

John Farnsworth’s parents were out of town this week so I hung out there a lot this week. It’s good to just have a place where friends can gather like that with no agenda. We go to the river. We drink. We swim at someones pool. We smoke. We hang out. We go out. I live a very relaxed life. I should not have the stress to lash out at fat gingers who are apparently just paid to sit by a pool and tell people not to run and not help people if they are in need. also he has blonde eyebrows. wierd. people who don’t deserve it.

I have been doing a lot of odd jobs making money, and it keeps me afloat more than usual. but its not enough to save or contribute quite enough. Still job hunting.

Yesterday was another friends going away party, the 3rd in the last week. Times are changing and people are moving. and still a few more are moving including Ruth. But I have known that people were going to leave me. What hurt, was hearing that Michael Sunshine and his girlfriend Ella up and moved from Davis to Seattle. I found this out when I texted him about partying. Michael is one of my core friends from Livermore and we don’t see each other too often, but I have always liked having him so close just in case. I have always had the feeling that everyone else is growing up and I’m not. Most my friends from high school have real good jobs and are in serious relationships. It’s that moment in life when you realize there are a bunch of grown ups at your party. And that’s what they have become. I have always felt belittled by living my type of life. I don’t judge them, and really I’m not even mad. The reality is I feel like I lost a cornerstone of my building. In other words, shit just got real.

To add to this dejected feeling, I went and hung out with Tim and Maggie Muldoon who’s older brother got married in Davis last weekend. The epitome of growing up. Naturally we try to see each other as much as we can. So they invite me to all the pre-wedding shenanigans and parties and such. Problem is, I’m not invited to the wedding and just end up being kinda embarrassed being there at all. “That’s just Maggie and Tim’s friend who is here to party”. That’s reall not who I want to be. I left. Again I understand it, and am not mad. This is just the situation I am living. People are growing up and they need to, but they still like me to be their party vacation from life. Honestly it’s shit like this that motivates me more than anything.

moral of the story: Not seeing Peter Pan makes you want to grow up.

Oh yeah, and I’m BLONDE now

peace

Been an interesting couple of weeks. A lot of my friends have been out of town, Farnsy has been in Oregon for a couple weeks (and he came 3rd in a 10k race!), Colleen is officially gone to Humboldt, Matt Marr is in fuckin’ Montana or something, and generally everyone is busy. Which leaves me saying “where are my friends?”. That’s something I’m going to have to get used to as most really are leaving pretty soon. My social scene has evolved and I am significantly less involved, and that is fine. People grow up and away and at the very least everyone leaving our little nest gives me less to stay for.

Naturally I have been trying to get out of Sacramento, even if its for little trips. I did a Comedy Sportz show in Richmond (…for the free masons) and then partied in San Francisco with John Michals. Got a Beer with Steven Zupan, drank with Ryan Fiola, then ran into Paul Telford at some bars. Good to get out of town. I went again just to hang out with Maggie and Tim Muldoon. All we ever do is drink, play wii golf, and Maggie and I sing “Islands in the Stream” real loud over and over to annoy Tim. It was lovely. Then had a cute dinner party with my sister. Good relaxing few days that has me thinking about the future. Plans are being formulated and discussed with my family. I don’t want to divulge anything until I am sure. But know this: There will be a move soon in my future. A big one.

I went to an open casting call for Survivor last week. Got interviewed on camera and picture taken. It’s a long shot but we shall see Fingers crossed. That would be so Awesome!

I have been reading and being able to focus on goals recently (crazy right???). Each blog sounds like a rerun, “things are changing, blah blah blah, I need to get a job, I went to a party and drank, etc” But I’m not sorry, you’re at devinritchie.com you dont get to complain about about content.

OH!!! Speaking of DevinRitchie.com, our 5th anniversary is August 1st! What should I do for it??

Here’s some pictures Bryce took from a few weeks ago when we all went out to Lipstick at Old Ironsides

Just got over a ridiculous week of having the stomach flu. So bad. went 4 days without eating, 5 days without drinking, smoking, or social interaction. A well needed break. But NO ONE needs to watch as much America’s Next Top Model as I have seen. Tragic. I had to better by Friday to do my show, and I was mostly.

It has been an eventful couple weeks. As You Like It opened, it has been so fun and a good experience. My brother and sister had their traditional birthday party. They rented out Red Feather winery in Livermore and had about 70 people come. It was a real good time, got to see a lot of people from high school or people I hadn’t seen in like 5 years. It was a trip. Got tipsy and stripped whilst hula hooping. The usual.

My grandma, mom, and I went to the Alameda county fair the next day I discovered my love for betting on horse racing. or maybe just because it reminds me of The Hold Steady song Chips Ahoy. (video sucks though).

My motivation to get a job has been sullied to do my illness, going out of town, being in a play, and having so much terrible television on. I can only blame myself and I do. But I actually have been applying and interviewing for jobs. Some promising prospects.

Other than that I have been going to the river, working on my tan, and making peace with myself. I’m doing a lot better than usual. I feel great. My Mom and Grandma went away for a weekend and it gave me good time to reconnect with Bryce Marck, Matt Marr, and John Farnsworth. One of those times when you just realize why you are friends with certain people and not as much with other people. When it’s sunrise and we all need to get up to go feed horses, and we don’t mind cause were all doing it. Then we pick up a 24 pack of PBR at 7am, naturally.

Love life is what it always is. Really the EXACT SAME. Was thinking about Jeff for a second again, and than no. Again. Frank Fox made his way up here again, and that was nice. But who knows what that could be. Had a crush on someone for once but of course got passed up for a strait guy. Naturally. Back to square one. …Ladies?

I gotta go shower and get for my show tonight… jebus..

Peace

I leave you with Sufjan Steven’s cover of Joni Mitchel’s Free Man In Paris.

I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty details, you will have to wait for my memoirs I guess.

Had another weekend of partying, some fun, some not. But I have had an experience that has opened my eyes to the truly horrific roads in life people who live like me could go down. I think my face in the picture to the left says a lot. I have never truly been able to hide my emotions all that well, and I’m a worse actor because of it. More than ever I need to move on. But more than ever the timing is bad. I have a plan and I am 500% sure that it is right. I just have to make it. This shouldn’t be easy and believe me, it’s not.

I apologize for being vague about plans and happenings, but I need to figure everything out before I commit. I am a Libra after all. The only thing in life that lasts is family, I am a Ritchie. Like it or not. My uncle Sandy speaks of a sort of curse that is in our blood. Now we are not quite the Kennedys but, whether or not this is true or just an excuse to drink more. I am following a wee bit of a family tradition.

There is a responsibility that me, my brother and sister, and cousins hold. Our fathers and grandparents moved here from Scotland 40 years ago to have a better life for us. My Dad and uncle both drank and did drugs etc. So it either continues with me or stops right here. There are power lines in our bloodlines. I have to do better.

That is one of my favorite bands The Hold Steady and the song The Weekenders. They have a beer soaked anthem classic rock reminiscent of times we have all had. Seems to always fit whatever mood I am in.

I am a little down and out right now, but I am more optimistic than usual. Things will get better. It’s darkest before the dawn blah blah blah. But remember this, karma is a bitch.

I need to switch into Devin Ritchie VS. the world mode for a little while.

Also I think I am gonna start blogging more about music and pop culture again. Like the good old days. Give the mood in here a little pick me up.

Peace

It’s summer. I’m out of school, never even checked my grades. That is how little I care right now. Looking for work, have a few leads. I might get a full time job M-F 9-5, crazy right? I cant imagine a world where I don’t have to collect my spare change for a 4Loco.

If I can get a job, my plan starts gong into effect. My plan is more of an outline, and I don’t want to divulge the details of it right now in fear of not being certain of it yet. I’m getting there though.

I am literally scared for when Ruth, Colleen, Corey, Adie, Victoria, and others all leave for college in a couple months. I have already felt less welcome with my own friends recently and what happens when I lose a good portion of my core? Maybe I will focus more on my goals. Or maybe I will get more depressed.

In reality everything is looking up though, job opportunities, no school stressing me out, I’m in a great show, haven’t been drinking too much, and minimal drama. Odd how those last two things are connected.

I have been having so many dreams recently. I have been thinking a lot about time travel, other dimensions, and after life. The series finale of LOST got me thinking and I watched Donnie Darko yesterday. I have not wanted to talk about it in fears of sounding crazy, but whatevs. I’m fuckin crazy and yall can stop reading devinritchie.com if its a problem. Maybe its because I have eaten some curious thought provoking foods in my time but I honestly believe my dreams have been a window into my personal enlightenment, and I feel like I get it. I don’t fleet my time away working for the man living in a cubicle so I can eat hamburger helper and sleep in one bedroom apartment over a laundromat. Its not my path, I’m too knowledgeable to let that happen. When my friend Andy hoover died two years ago. I became glad that he didn’t waste his life working. He spent every moment living how ever he wanted and dressing how ever he wanted. Kind of inspired me. Showed me how fleeting life is and who the fuck cares? I don’t know what the point of writing this is, because this isnt something that can be told to you. Everyone has to come up with this on their own. Ok, fuck I sound way crazy… I swear I’m not high at all.

I’m going out to Second Saturday tonight in Midtown Sacto, this break from everything has been fantastic for me.

Yes, that is a picture of me, Ruth, and a cock.

peace

My adorable cousin Mira

Howdy dear readers, another long week. Reno, parties, family visiting, LOST ending. [OMG]

I want to first discuss the response of my last blog. It was mostly positive and supportive. Thank you, it means a lot that many of can even sit through my long winded ramblings. But the main complaint with my blog is that writing or talking about something doesn’t fix anything. I’m basically just whiny. I disagree completely. This is step one. This is therapy this is diary. This is what helps me.

Last week my theatre celebrated its end of the year ball, I was awarded “Best Supporting Actor” (sort of a conciliation prize instead of winning one of the Irene Ryan nominations, oh well) and Best Drunk… On Stage” How appropriate. A lot of fun drinking and dancing with the masquerade theme. But then the rest of my night, with the help of Gerald (what we call the bag from boxed wine) and Matt Marr, was serious drunken shenanigans, which resulted in me missing the only work I have in a week. Haven’t done that in nearly a year. I did learn a lesson that night.

My friends who are legitimately moving on from school felt like clubbing, so of course I am there. Drinks, flirting, dancing, and smoking. I starting losing my voice very badly. A few days of partying, a lack of sleep, and breathing air in Reno turned my voice into something of a gutteral gravely lawnmower sound, which I assure you was not sexy. The Reno trip was a success, managed to only spend $20 on the whole trip. It was my friend Colton’s 21st birthday. Colton, Max, James, Colleen and I just walked around drank and danced wearing sunglasses everywhere looking like bad asses for  2 days. I did start to get pretty sick and my voice was completely gone for a time, but what was I suppose to do? I still had to be there for another day, and god save me from Reno whilst sober. Everyone had a great time, but it is decided… I am a Vegas guy.

When I look back on my week, the best part of was playing with my 18 month old cousin Mira (well, cousin’s daughter… second cousin?). We played with bubbles, drew with chalk, and mostly she just chased me and played “sleepy sleep” (thats when she says “sleepy sleep”, and we pretend to be asleep for like 5 seconds.) Out of all the “fun” I had drinking and clubbing this week, this was the most genuine fun. I love children and I am super good with them. But it’s fleeting, at this age they will hardly remember me and when she is 10 I will be 30. And we wont play together anymore. This happened to too many people for me, and its the burden of being younger in an older family.  What I’m saying is that I do long for having children in my life, lets hope for being the fun uncle Devin first. Not too soon…

I have a desperate need to find a job now. Having my own earned money in my pocket will help my perspective. That is this weeks goal. Haven’t even drank or smoked in a few days and I feel better. Crazy huh? Yay me. The past few days I have done nothing, just rehabd at home and played sleepy sleep by myself. and that what I needed. Hibernation.

I have been realizing more and more that anyone can read this. And I have stopped being discrete. Which is kind of empowering actually. I don’t mean to do this for shock value, but to be true to myself. But seeing my hits increase back to the hundreds gives me anxiety. But again I thank you all so much for coming and reading.

Now the reason you are all here I’m sure…

CUTE BABY PICTURES!!!!

(I didn’t edit them, so the Mira files are huge, might take a minute to load)

peace

I will blog about LOST real soon!!

Hey everybody. Yes I have been lazy about updates and I want to explain why. This semester Senioritis got the best of me, I just didn’t care about school and nothing could make me. I have three AA degrees waiting for me as soon as I finish my one pesky statistics class, and I still cant seem to do it. I have been going to school for the past 18 years, and honestly am so burnt out on it. The thought of transferring to a 4 year school at the moment makes me shutter. So what am I doing if I am not really doing school? Well, The Philadelphia Story had an amazing run and I really loved working on it. I got such positive feedback from everyone about it, which gave me a little optimism about a future in performing. I also got cast in a new play, As You Like It at California Stage. I play Charles and Silvius two good characters. But more on that later.

Theatre is starting to go my way, two great roles in two great shows in a row, I mean this is what I have been working for for the past 3 years.

So I rehearse in the evenings, what do I do the rest of the time? I drink. Honestly. I drink and party. Pretty much every night. I’m not trying to brag, it’s just true. I went out to Faces or Badlands every night last week. The problem is now I know a lot of people there so I get in free and never have to pay for drinks. Hard to turn down. I feel like there is a lot of pressure on me to be the fun one sometimes. I get texts and calls every Friday and Saturday night from random people who want to know “wheres the party at?” I am now notorious for having a 4Loco in my hand. (energy drink/malt liquor 12% alc, they fuck you up and cost 2.50. I cleaned 14 cans of it out of my car.) and when I’m at the club I try and drink my weight in Red Bull vodkas. Some people judge and some people are jealous. I feel like people come to me when they need a vacation from their life, and then they can go back and be normal, and they assume I will be waiting for them whenever they want to have fun. This life isn’t fair. people shouldn’t be able to live like me. I’m not rich enough for this. I take advantage of people around me and I feel like they hardly notice or care.

Except my Mom, once my Grandma moved in this year, she has taken extraordinary notice of my behavior and suddenly now that her mom lives here I need to behave better. This is the first time my Mom and I haven’t really gotten along. I get it though. I’m 22 basically living off her, I make very little money that doesn’t begin to cover all my expenses and I have fun and party everyday. How is that fair? It’s not. I have always been the baby of the family and able to get away with more than the twins. But I have pushed it. My Mom didn’t dream of being of an astronaut or a teacher or anything when she was a kid, she wanted to be a Mom and it is the reason she was put on this Earth. EVERYTHING I have and any reason people like me is directly because of her. She wanted to be a stay at home Mom, but her job had better health insurance, so my Dad stayed home. She is a caregiver, and what happens when we all grow up? Grandma moves in. Grandma is very old and requires a lot of attention, she has become my mother’s new project in care giving. It’s a little as if I’m getting pushed out of the nest right now. And I’m not mad about it. I’m 22… its probably time to stop being a Mama’s boy. The house has become crowded and I no longer feel welcome living here. And my fear of leaving my mom alone is no longer a problem. So I have taken to rarely being at home, which results in my drinking and partying and constantly staying at friends houses. Usually just passing out.

Right now a great deal of my friends are moving away. Ruth is going to Chico State, Colleen and Adie are going to Humboldt. Victoria got a scholarship to go to a conservatory in Louisville. And generally people are just moving on. All the signs seem to point to getting the fuck out of Sacto. The issues are as follows, no money, hardly have a job (just babysitting and improv), I don’t have all the requirements to transfer (and I REALLY need a break from school in order to gain perspective, call it an excuse if you want), and where do I go???

It is time for a change.

I’m drawn to the Bay Area, Jenny and Kyle live there. I know someday I will live in San Francisco. Maybe that time is now. LA? I have connections there and a lot of family and friends. New York? Pack it all up and go be a performance artist hipster with Maggie Muldoon? far fetched I know. But what better time than now? I am not tied down at all. Why not Edinburgh?? Get back to my Scottish roots. It is also a theatre haven there.

These ideas are pipe dreams I realize, but since when have I ever been realistic dear readers? It has to be better than staying Sacramento living at my moms house doing plays at a community college, right? Maybe not. Maybe I just want to go on adventure so my memoirs will be interesting to read later. I don’t even know what I want to do.

I know it will involve art, and most likely performance. I don’t know if that means acting, directing, or being the host of a trashy open mic night as a drag queen. Something needs to happen. All I do is act, drink, sleep, work out, and watch TV. (OMG LOST! RIGHT?!?). The issue with leaving this place is that I have finally started getting Sacramento to work for me, Getting great roles, I know everybody, I club and drink for free. but so what? I figured out in high school too that popularity is fun and all. But that’s it, doesn’t help with anything else. And there is one specific play this fall that I want to do so fucking bad. I know it will be a wildly successful production that will garner attention. But I cannot stay here for a show, there is always going to another show I will want to stay for. I don’t want to go to another town and work hard for 4 years just to get where I am now here. And even if I did stay until the new year, I couldn’t stay at home. This situation is getting worse and worse and I am making it worse.

I am just a ball of confusion lately. I sleep late everyday. Honestly I have been somewhat depressed despite my prescription to Prozac I started taking about 8 months ago. I feel like it works and this is better than before, but its also a blank feeling. if that makes sense. I’m certain the drinking does not help. Making important life decisions lately has been put on the back burner, and the delay makes everything harder. That’s what she said.

I am so single right now. I have sorta dated around, and have a new theory that drinking makes me develop hickeys. But nothing has been that serious, since Tim I sorta tried with Jeff again, and I’m convinced that will be the teasing relationship that will never happen. There have been a myriad of Jeff’s in my life, literally so many people named Jeff, wtf?!? Frank Fox came and visited me for 3 days a few weeks ago, we had a good time, but he lives in Santa Monica (not to mention a Republican virgin until marriage). Could anything come of this? I guess, but my will to put in that much work in to any relationship is just not there. It’s not my style to do long distance and pine. Moreover given the recent people I have dated anyone from gutter punks to ravers to yuppies, I hardly know whats best for me at all.

My friends and I have reached a sexual freedom, don’t call it slutty, we have standards and morals and all. But sex is an important part of life. I was not dating or “sexual active” or even kissing anyone until I was like 19, I wasn’t ready for it. Now that I have a better idea of sexuality I am perfectly alright with embracing it. It’s not taboo or trashy. And honestly I don’t have that much sex. I’m a flirt. Make outs however….. lol. My problem is that though. No one wants to be in a relationship with me. I’m the best friend. The party guy. The “maybe I’ll just experiment with Devin Ritchie” kinda guy, finding sex has never been a problem for me. I lack the connection with a sexual partner. I have had 2 real relationships. and like 5 half relationships, that were just stupid. I cant imagine the day where I am codependent like that. I could only be so lucky to have someone who can see me at my worst and love it. Just get me. And have sex with me. Love, I guess… I guess I just don’t believe in it. Yet. Trying to be optimistic.

Theatre. Alcohol. Friends. Sex. These are all tools of my escapism. I have not been blogging because I don’t want to tell people. My life is not something I am super proud of right now. Blogging about it seems like I stroking my own ego or something. I don’t write for validation or popularity. Well, maybe sometimes. But to quote Usher “these are my confessions”. I have been trying to be an open book lately. Not hiding. Laying down all my cards. And this is just a leak in the dam of honesty. I have written blogs like this so many times, but I don’t post them. Because it defeats me. And who fucking cares? Well I do. And getting this off my chest and out here feels like it will help me to make the changes necessary to move on. I’m not in denial. I am well aware. I will not stop drinking, it doesn’t have the power over me that I have to cut it out completely. That’s a fact. As far as school and living situations go, I have no fucking idea what I’m going to do.

Someday I will return all the good people have given to me. Don’t think I’m not grateful.

I leave you with Eminem’s “Not Afraid”

peace

Howdy everybody! I know, I know I haven’t been blogging…. my bad. I have been keeping myself pretty busy. Well, busy with partying at least.

I have been out nearly every night either at some club like, club 21, Faces, or Badlands. Or just at some party. I know I have said it before, but I gotta slow my role.

Even with all the partying socializing and dating. I have stayed focused on Sexy by Summer and Philadelphia Story. Ruth and I have been running most days and that has been working out. Rehearsals for Philly have been going on and they have been great! I am having a lot of fun with it. I think its going to be so good!

I have also been casually dating. (Oh, I double checked and I am DEFINITELY single now.) And nothing is all that promising. In fact I think I need a break from it all. I need some Devin time

Now for the dramz… This is legitimately the first time in my life that my Mom and I are not getting along. Which is weird for us, were practically like Lorelei and Rory Gilmore. I wont get into all the details. But our relationship has been strained recently. My theory is that it has to do with the house dynamic being different ever since my Grandma moved in. We both determined that its about time I moved out. That was hard to hear. I dont know when, where, or how. But it is time that I am a big boy. I am 22 and a half.

I need to shake something up hard. I have got myself into a fabulous rut in a place I never wanted to call my home. What’s the next step guys? I’m lost.

peace

My boys, Johnny Farns, Maxy, and Nick Heacock on BART

Howdy everybody, a lot has been going on so lets waste no time.

The biggest thing is now my maternal Grandma now lives with us here in Sacramento. She has been staying here since Christmas but now its official. We just moved all her stuff up here from Tustin. Obviously this changes my living situation quite a bit. I cant be as, well, for lack of better words, a ridiculous fabulous drunk. She is very old and can no longer live on her own, this is for the best.

Secondly there has been a lot of wonders about my moms job being outsourced, and yes we even toyed with the idea of moving to Atlanta, Georgia. Things are up in the air, but fret not.  It doesn’t look like we will move to GA and my mom will still have a job no matter what. I do not belong in Georgia, I know that, but the adventure might be fun.

Big news! I got cast as Sandy Lord in The Philadelphia Story at ARC!! A really great part and the only part I wanted. This is the first time this has happened for me and I’m an so fucking excited ^_^ we start rehearsals on Monday yay. The play opens April 22nd. I will definitely let you guys know.

Also I have been dating, weird right? haha, I almost feel like I needed to make up for the years where I dated no one. So I have dated a few people the past few months. Most importantly was my first real boyfriend Tim. This was all very new and odd for me. We dated for about a month and half or something. And now were on a break, or broken up, I cant really tell. It’s kinda confusing. Either way, this was kinda a big deal for me personally. I mean I’m 22, time to man up and just get a bf right? I dont even know whats going on with other people I have been casually seeing. Perhaps I just need to get back to being single Devin. I’m much better at that I feel.

Other than all this going on I have just been going to school, hanging out, an partying a lot . Dont worry, I’m being responsible enough. All though I do have a few scrapes and bruises from Reno lol. Long story.

I am now working out cause I started to get lazy and slightly thicker. That was no good.

I’m going to start more honest blogging like this. I just have to decide on where the line of censorship is…

I don’t know where I’m headed, but I am convinced that it’s in a good direction.

Peace.