DevinRitchie.com

Wow, long time no blog. A lot of shit to cover lets get to it.

This next paragraph makes me sound like a diva.

First and foremost I have been so busy with Blithe Spirit, the play I’m in. I have been trying to take being a lead seriously and concentrate on nothing else. I have to be perfectly honest in saying that the experience has been frustrating. This is my first time being a real lead lead, so this is all new for me, and I’m being treated as if I am the old veteran. There have been some line learning issues and beginner problems for the entire cast, I feel like I already have so much on my plate I cant deal with anything less than spectacular from my fellow actors. I know that is a lot to ask. But it all comes back to the point that I am very insecure about my own abilities even on my best day, so any other problems are just kicking I’m when I’m down. I am a hash critic of acting, directing, and art and its weird to have my ass on the line for once. I’m just supposed to be the funny supporting character, if the show is bad, that’s not my bad. But now it is. I have a lot of anxiety about it.

Moreover, I have had some serious doubts about acting lately. To begin with IT’S FUCKING HARD. I have to sit back and ask myself why I am doing such a thing. Why am I being someone else? Do I just like being the center of attention? I have the distinct feeling that I do love performing, but this traditional linear story telling just to amuse. I want to get people to feel something, I want it to mean something, I don’t want to do it for vanity, but most theatre and film and entertainment lately is like 90% for the performers sake. I’m just very confused and angst ridden about the whole matter.

I am almost done with all my DUI shit, I should have my license back in about a month. I have actually started enjoying my mandatory DUI group meetings, if I have to pay for them and go, I am damn well going to get something out of them. I talk and call people on their bullshit excuses. I sort of wonder if  would maybe like to be a drug and alcohol counselor, I know that sounds ridiculous, but the topic of addiction and recovery interests me and I am not going to be a doctor, and I have had always had a special place in my heart for the seedy characters who inhabit such places. Just a thought.

I applied at a couple wineries in Livermore, but as time passes and other opportunities arise  I begin to think of the impossible and the stupid adventurous ideas. More pipe dreams and unintelligent plans from Devin Ritchie.

This is why I haven’t been blogging, I haven’t been able to form cogent thoughts, and really have nothing important to say. Not to say that anything I have ever wrote is important.

Last time we checked in ignoring my life and running off to Vegas, the next weekend I went to South Lake Tahoe with my brother Kyle, Rachel, and Josh. Basically doing the exact same thing again. Except being in debt to my brother now.

I have been being a good boy all of 2011 besides those two indiscretions I don’t party or drink as much. I have been single and abstinent the whole year, I have not even thought of relationships or anything in a long time. But I did kinda hang out with someone over the weekend. So we shall see. I’m really bad at these sort of things.

I am just at a loss for what to do after this show is over. I will have no Sacramento obligations. I am actively not auditioning for shows in the area just for that reason. Right now, I am just getting back to working out, finishing this show up, getting license back, and then….??

Thanksgiving came and went. Pretty Typical Ritchie Holiday, drink mimosas, have eggs Benedict, eat snack and watch movies all day.

The only difference was the night before thanksgiving, my brother, sister, mom, and I had all stayed up. We began having real conversations, which eventually lead to them confronting me that its time to shape up. Which aggravated me because I feel like I have been making strides to, and I am doing better. But its a little too late in their minds I guess. Then we (I) rehashed old issues that we hadn’t discussed ever, and things a little heated. This wasn’t all bad mind you, I’m glad we can rationally speak about serious topics and confront each other. And still be fine the next day. The fact is they want better for me. They need me to do a lot better. They have given me grace periods, and they wont kick me out, but they want to stop putting up with bull shit. That is slightly disheartening since I felt like I was doing pretty good recently.

Slaughterhouse has been going great, full audiences, good responses. It feels worth it. but I’m going to do something tonight I’m a bit unsure about, I’m going to audition for Blithe Spirit here at ARC. Why? It’s Noel Coward, its right up my alley, I have never done a lead, and this is a great show for me. Why not? Because I want to leave! because this conflicts with ACTF, and what if slaughterhouse goes to competition.

I fantasize about leaving everyday. Bryce has an extra room in LA and offered it to me, Michael Sunshine has an extra room in Seattle. I really really want to leave, but I’m so scared. I have no money and honestly don’t even do my own laundry. (yes, I am ashamed about that).

So here’s what I’m going to do tonight. I’m going to audition and only accept the lead. If I get it (history proves I wont, so this is pretty pointless…) , I will do it.

I hate when I blog like this. I really do. It’s bitch bitch bitch, I have been complaining about the same things for years and am doing nothing about it.

I have been writing a lot. On my typewriter. Just stories, my stories. I guess its a half assed attempt at a memoir. It’s probably terrible. I realized one of my talents is for story telling, and I’m hoping it translates to paper. Mostly it is just therapeutic though. I really doubt anyone would read it. But maybe, it’s far more honest than I am on here. I am honest on here, but that has several more secrets. Things that the public consumption of a blog wouldn’t be good for. I secretly pretend I’m writing the next great American novel, I will get crazy rich from my publisher, and Oprah will tell everyone to buy it. Then it will be turned into a movie where I would be undoubtedly played by Lou Taylor Pucci. Yup, that’s how interesting I am. (that last bit was sarcastic if you couldn’t tell).

I guess I want to do this play to show my family and friends that I can. I honestly believe they think I have failed, and they want me to man up and get a real jobby job and stop wasting time being bit parts continually holding out for the next one.

I watched a documentary on SNL in 90s and in the 00s. Going the comedy route might be my best option. As ridiculous of a pipe dream that sounds like, its far more realistic than my hopes in becoming a serious actor? or a performance artist? or a celebrated author lol. I need to take a moment to realize what I do best, and it is comedy(debatable). I would be fulfilled if that were what I did for money. This is a stupid ass blog rant today….

I AM doing good. I’m in a good play and (still expecting to be…) getting paid by the winery. learning a lot about graphic design, a lot about theatre, and fuck my play might go to ACTF. And I have pretty much been only drinking on the weekends, big improvement. Surprise surprise I have been reading a fuck ton too, social commentaries, memoirs of drug addicts and drag queens, and books on acting. Who am I? I totally don’t read books. Good for me.

oh and that picture is of me and Corey Frou playing Wizard Sticks, an amazing drinking game where you stack beers and duck tape them into a staff and pretend to be wizards. When you have 11 you get a wizard hat

peace

I am now typing to you as a 23 year old. Feels pretty much the same.

My birthday came and went, much less celebration, just one drunken weekend that lingered for about a weekend a half. I went out to bars, went to house parties, saw plays, took jello shots, drank so much 4Loko, and acted a fool generally and sprayed champagne on people. I mean, what else is expected of me on my birthday?

It was fine, I didn’t even want to acknowledge it this year, but my family and friends refused, and I obliged.  I made a half assed drunken attempt to make a speech to my immediate family telling them I am going to get my act together. I knew it was bad once I started paralleling my life to Thomas The Tank Engine. Sometimes I need to remember to shut up, and that actions speak louder than words.

Have been working on Slaughterhouse-5, it has been casual and fun. But it is high time we get down and dirty and kick this plays ass. We open in less than a month. It could be so good.

I have been working on Lavish Laines Winery and their website. Why not go get added to the mailing list eh?? Hopefully the more work and money will be flowing in soon.

After my elongated birthday celebration, I had to take a break from drinking my body literally couldn’t take it anymore. I have just given it a couple days, and besides a slight case of RMD (Reno Mouth Disease) I am better.

Dating life is the exact same as ever. Remember how I was sorta seeing Jeff again? Yeah, not so much. Once I realized I was getting ignored I called him out, and he said he was confused and that he also like this other guy. But told me not to worry and that we would hang out that week…. Not so much. He’s just dating the other guy, who is hard of hearing and they are both fluent in ASL, and I “wouldnt get it”. But at the very least I saw him out one night and we talked and I got to yell at him, a pleasure I don’t always get to have. This also gave me enough time to start seeing this guy named Travis, but he “just wants to be single right now”. It actually does get easier the more this happens, I hardly even care anymore.

But in a way I’m glad, I have not been going out, drinking, or doing much of anything besides designing, going to class, and rehearsing. Well, and of course watching an obscene amount of Law & Order: SVU. But that’s just the usual. So generally I have been keeping out of trouble for a little while and it seems to do a body good.

Staying the course mostly. Have been super busy with my design class, Words and Voices, and work projects for the Sheriff. SUPER FUN.

It feels nice to have things to do again, much better than the blank summer schedule I had. With so much time on my hands I get into trouble. Work projects are not so much fun, I do my best Jason Stackhouse impression in my orange vest trying to be sexy, but when you are on an white bus with a cop driving, and full of miscreants. You don’t feel great about yourself. Good job system, you effectively work.

I have been applying for jobs and so far nothing, I have reached the point of having so little pride that I am about to apply at the Del Taco a block from my house. Something I told myself I would never do for egotistical reasons. But I have reached the breaking point.

My birthday is coming up, October 3rd. I always go huge for my birthday. ALWAYS. 21 was Las Vegas, 22 was lovefest in San Francisco, and I have at least had a huge party for each birthday. But this year I am not in the mood to celebrate myself, seems selfish and vain. I don’t expect anything from my family, giving all they have done for me. And I always break or lose nice things anyways. I can tell my mom doesn’t want to do anything for my birthday. Since I’m not in the mood why do anything? Tradition? Another reason to drink and party? I don’t have the will for it to be about me anymore. Right now I think I will generally not acknowledge my birthday. Maybe I’ll drink a 4 Loco and sit in a parking lot with a couple friends somewhere. This depresses me yes. But I don’t deserve anymore than that.

Back to business.

This is the show that has been taking up all my time. I am really committed to it. Come support NEW THEATRE. please. Next weekend!

I’ve always been a bad new first kind of guy…

Court did not go my way, and I owe a lot of money…. A LOT OF MONEY. Full story about this whole ordeal soon. Its really quite funny an educational cautionary tale.

But… moving on, good news! Got cast in slaughterhouse 5! Feel good now that I held out for this show. Great right? well…

Here’s the thing, (and yeah I’m gonna bitch for a minute, so if you’re not interested yall can leave devinritchie.com. Directly). I studied for this play so hard. I read the play like 4 times, broke it down, read into characters, I even read the fuckin novel for this show. And I don’t read books. I need to prepare like this for every audition because I apparently don’t have the natural panache others have to just walk in to any audition and get cast on mere talent. But I got cast so what am I bitching about? Well, I’m playing a smaller role than I had hoped for. That’s fine. I really don’t mind doing ensemble roles, especially in a show like this. If you are familiar with Slaughterhouse, I am playing the British soldier named Reggie. The guy who puts on a production of Cinderella for the other soldiers, and stars as Cinderella. …That’s right. Somehow in a play about time travel, war, and the DRESDEN BOMBING I got cast as the ONE man who wears a dress. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the only fag in the play is in drag. I’m a fucking walking talking gay joke. I’m nearly offended. I’m just tired of this gay joke thing. It will be funny and I will do it well. But, ugh. This sort of thing has been happening to me a lot. Its not acting, its a fucking perpetuation of a stereotype. Most my friends got the roles they wanted, bad ass army guys who fight, or characters with real

depth. I’m the fag in the dress. Moreover, the person who got a role I wanted and literally cues my entrance, and has a more pivotal part than I, is the same person who missed his god damn entrance in Philadelphia Story (my last play), leaving me to have to improvise and cover for him. I was a fish out of god damn water in front of an audience. Twice. Yes TWICE. we only performed it seven times. Why we rehearse for 2 months to not even bother going on stage is beyond me. But I guess that’s how to prove yourself as a dedicated actor. So I feel a bit slapped in the face being a gay joke, and being cast under someone who has done this to me on stage. That is my rant. And now its over.

Let’s put 2 and 2 together… I am no longer excited about this play due to casting and the fact that there is 20 people in it. AND I need money BAD. Do I drop the play? For my own sake and sanity and so I can be an adult paying off my fines. Or should I go gay it up and play dress up?

New Subject.

I’m headed to the bay in the morning. Kyle is having me take a train out there and were going to the Scottish Games in Pleasanton tomorrow, and the wine festival in Livermore on Sunday. Good. I need some space and clarity. And thank god Ruth is home tonight, I’m going out for the first time in a while. I have been taking it easy recently. But now its time to go celebrate my Scottish roots and wine taste. Watch pipers and get food from Clan McKintosh. Cant wait.

I dunno what to do I’m all lost and confused yall.

peace.