DevinRitchie.com

I wish I had more optimistic and joyful blogs as of late, but alas, I do not. The universe has been telling me loud and clear that I should have left this year. SPOILER ALERT*** This will be an emo complainy blog. But it gets slightly optimistic/cocky near the end.

To begin, a great deal of my close friends moved away. I knew it was coming but it has really hit me when I sit at home alone and wonder what I used to do. Ruth lives in Chico, Colleen and Adie live in Humboldt, Victoria Louisville, My friend big black gay Corey moved to Laramie, Wyoming.  Even people like Mike Holcombe have moved to LA. After Matt Marr’s house burnt down he has been traveling and he is now sure he will move to L.A. Needless to say, my social life has taken a hit. I stay in a lot more evenings by myself reading, writing, or watching various marathons of House, Law and Order SVU, or something. I have just been lonely I guess.

My Mom’s car is gold sebring convertible, the symbol of summer, and the car I learned how to drive on. There have been so many times where Ruth, John Farns, and I are hung over and we roll out of bed and drive with the top down to theriver. And drink some 4 Locos. My brother needed a car so we decided to give that one to him. Now my mom and I share the Scion, she needs it more of course having a real job and all… back to the bike for me. :-/

It seems lately that love has been in the air (cheesy yes, but hear me out). So many of my friends are involved with someone and so happy. Max and Amanda, John Farns, Kelsey, Ruth, etc etc. Momentarily I was kinda seeing someone and happy, and for just a moment it seemed everyone was happy. But then of course I found out that I had simply got swept up in ideas of being in a relationship and misinterpreted some things and ended up putting myself in a situation that allowed me to get hurt by others actions. Whatevs, I’m done. I’m single and unattached completely. Time gave me clarity to realize I was being stupid, and I really don’t care. I AM happy for all my friends, I am happy being single Devin, and I am a better person for not dating people who are bad for me. But I do always seem to be the odd man out in these situations. It wears on me a bit.

The cherry on top of my delightful banana shit sundae of a situation I have been in… The one job I have babysitting at a church every Sunday That I have had for 4 years. Such an easy job that I LOVE that is easy money in my pocket….. Well, they laid me off on Sunday. Not because of me at all, they can just not afford child care at all anymore. I have one more

Sunday and that’s it. FUCK. My one source of income. Fuck. My. Life. This is effective September 1st. Why does that day sound familiar? Oh, cause its the day of my court date. (Yes, I have a court date. I got into a little trouble. Hopefully it will be nothing, but it might be. I will disclose the full story after its all said and done. Nothing crazy don’t worry)

My brother looked at my situation like this “so you’re basically back to where you started when you moved to Sacramento, no car, no job, no relationship, few friends” Somehow that is oddly comforting. Something of a new beginning happening right now. Life has dealt me some rotten ass lemons right now, and I am powering through but its hard. I can deal with the no job, no car, no money thing. But it just really sucks that everything has been taken away at the same time. The time I need friends. Who aren’t here.

At the moment, I am not attending school. I would probably set myself back further if I went. I need a job(and I have been applying!)

Right now I am living day at a time with very short term achievable goals. apply for jobs, work out everyday, drink less, and get cast in a play next week. So far so good. I do work out everyday I have a new gym membership and I have been going hard. If nothing else in life I will look good without my shirt on.

I chose the cute apocalypse gif at the top because its really cute and the general complete change of everything in my life recently, and because of Mike Wise’s Post Apocalypse Party he had. Which was awesome. Pictures at the bottom. There is always a lot of parties, this last weekend was Mady Wrights 36 hour birthday party which was fun and…. eventful.

This is a reminder to the world and myself that I am fucking awesome. I do good things and have fun. There are great

people in my life, and I know now more than ever who they are. I have come upon some rough times recently and ya know what? It might get worse, it could always. But I have dealt with way more problems in my life than some little bull shit like this. I’m a baller with some of the best friends, and the BEST family anyone could ask for. Don’t give me your pity, today ain’t nothing but a hair flip. It might be just like this for a long time, but there is peace and some success at the end of this trail. It shouldn’t be easy and its not. Never has been. I have been blessed in many ways that I am quietly thankful for and find myself to sometimes be the luckiest person alive. Lately has just been a string of losses that have warn me down, I have to admit I am down and move on though. I’m not blaming fate or the world for my problems, many of them are direct results of my actions and I know that. I’m down but I’m not out. I’m ready for new shit and prepared to take on whatever I need to. Oh yeah, and I’m hot.

I leave you with another new Eminem song, featuring Pink (whom I fuckin love)

WONT. BACK. DOWN.

Peace.

It’s summer. I’m out of school, never even checked my grades. That is how little I care right now. Looking for work, have a few leads. I might get a full time job M-F 9-5, crazy right? I cant imagine a world where I don’t have to collect my spare change for a 4Loco.

If I can get a job, my plan starts gong into effect. My plan is more of an outline, and I don’t want to divulge the details of it right now in fear of not being certain of it yet. I’m getting there though.

I am literally scared for when Ruth, Colleen, Corey, Adie, Victoria, and others all leave for college in a couple months. I have already felt less welcome with my own friends recently and what happens when I lose a good portion of my core? Maybe I will focus more on my goals. Or maybe I will get more depressed.

In reality everything is looking up though, job opportunities, no school stressing me out, I’m in a great show, haven’t been drinking too much, and minimal drama. Odd how those last two things are connected.

I have been having so many dreams recently. I have been thinking a lot about time travel, other dimensions, and after life. The series finale of LOST got me thinking and I watched Donnie Darko yesterday. I have not wanted to talk about it in fears of sounding crazy, but whatevs. I’m fuckin crazy and yall can stop reading devinritchie.com if its a problem. Maybe its because I have eaten some curious thought provoking foods in my time but I honestly believe my dreams have been a window into my personal enlightenment, and I feel like I get it. I don’t fleet my time away working for the man living in a cubicle so I can eat hamburger helper and sleep in one bedroom apartment over a laundromat. Its not my path, I’m too knowledgeable to let that happen. When my friend Andy hoover died two years ago. I became glad that he didn’t waste his life working. He spent every moment living how ever he wanted and dressing how ever he wanted. Kind of inspired me. Showed me how fleeting life is and who the fuck cares? I don’t know what the point of writing this is, because this isnt something that can be told to you. Everyone has to come up with this on their own. Ok, fuck I sound way crazy… I swear I’m not high at all.

I’m going out to Second Saturday tonight in Midtown Sacto, this break from everything has been fantastic for me.

Yes, that is a picture of me, Ruth, and a cock.

peace

My adorable cousin Mira

Howdy dear readers, another long week. Reno, parties, family visiting, LOST ending. [OMG]

I want to first discuss the response of my last blog. It was mostly positive and supportive. Thank you, it means a lot that many of can even sit through my long winded ramblings. But the main complaint with my blog is that writing or talking about something doesn’t fix anything. I’m basically just whiny. I disagree completely. This is step one. This is therapy this is diary. This is what helps me.

Last week my theatre celebrated its end of the year ball, I was awarded “Best Supporting Actor” (sort of a conciliation prize instead of winning one of the Irene Ryan nominations, oh well) and Best Drunk… On Stage” How appropriate. A lot of fun drinking and dancing with the masquerade theme. But then the rest of my night, with the help of Gerald (what we call the bag from boxed wine) and Matt Marr, was serious drunken shenanigans, which resulted in me missing the only work I have in a week. Haven’t done that in nearly a year. I did learn a lesson that night.

My friends who are legitimately moving on from school felt like clubbing, so of course I am there. Drinks, flirting, dancing, and smoking. I starting losing my voice very badly. A few days of partying, a lack of sleep, and breathing air in Reno turned my voice into something of a gutteral gravely lawnmower sound, which I assure you was not sexy. The Reno trip was a success, managed to only spend $20 on the whole trip. It was my friend Colton’s 21st birthday. Colton, Max, James, Colleen and I just walked around drank and danced wearing sunglasses everywhere looking like bad asses for  2 days. I did start to get pretty sick and my voice was completely gone for a time, but what was I suppose to do? I still had to be there for another day, and god save me from Reno whilst sober. Everyone had a great time, but it is decided… I am a Vegas guy.

When I look back on my week, the best part of was playing with my 18 month old cousin Mira (well, cousin’s daughter… second cousin?). We played with bubbles, drew with chalk, and mostly she just chased me and played “sleepy sleep” (thats when she says “sleepy sleep”, and we pretend to be asleep for like 5 seconds.) Out of all the “fun” I had drinking and clubbing this week, this was the most genuine fun. I love children and I am super good with them. But it’s fleeting, at this age they will hardly remember me and when she is 10 I will be 30. And we wont play together anymore. This happened to too many people for me, and its the burden of being younger in an older family.  What I’m saying is that I do long for having children in my life, lets hope for being the fun uncle Devin first. Not too soon…

I have a desperate need to find a job now. Having my own earned money in my pocket will help my perspective. That is this weeks goal. Haven’t even drank or smoked in a few days and I feel better. Crazy huh? Yay me. The past few days I have done nothing, just rehabd at home and played sleepy sleep by myself. and that what I needed. Hibernation.

I have been realizing more and more that anyone can read this. And I have stopped being discrete. Which is kind of empowering actually. I don’t mean to do this for shock value, but to be true to myself. But seeing my hits increase back to the hundreds gives me anxiety. But again I thank you all so much for coming and reading.

Now the reason you are all here I’m sure…

CUTE BABY PICTURES!!!!

(I didn’t edit them, so the Mira files are huge, might take a minute to load)

peace

I will blog about LOST real soon!!